Autumn K. Dube

I’m at a time in my life where I can do absolutely anything I want. College is over, my European adventures have come to a close, and the possibilities are endless. This thought is extremely encouraging but at the same time feels slightly overwhelming. There’s pressure to succeed. There’s the classic, stereotypical idea of what I “should be doing”, and then there are my student loans which are eager to remind me finding a job is a must.

Of course, I want to work. I’m excited to make my mark on a new company and share the talents I’ve acquired over the years. I’m not one to waste my hard earned college degree. But where do I work? What specific job do I want to start my entire career with? The career I’ve been preparing for with internships, writing opportunities, and many many hours of homework. Thinking of it this way, yes, slight overload.

After a month of laying out my options and taking full advantage of the fact that I still live at my parents’ (thank you for the free food and love!) I hit a small breaking point. Too many options is never a bad problem to have but for some reason, I felt stuck. Stuck in my thoughts. Stuck because of money. Stuck, truly, because of fear.

Woah. Hold up. Fear? Really? I’ve never allowed that word to dictate my decisions. I throw my trust up to the Universe, work my ass off, and count my blessings. And my life always, always unfolds exactly how it’s supposed to. Forever grateful for that. But I couldn’t get out of my own head. Anddd that’s when my mom’s love stopped my doubts almost instantaneously.

“You’re not going to stay here till May,” she said as though she’s known this all along. “Your heart isn’t here, it’s in Boston.” And just like that, a wave of relief washed over me. My own mother, who would keep me at home for the rest of my life if she could, was reminding me of my truth. The truth I hid from myself because I didn’t think moving right now was the “smart” thing to do. I figured I should get a job in Maine for a few months, start to save a little more and pay off loans, all while living at my parent’s house. This is the reality of so many people I know, I got caught up in the idea that it should probably be mine, too.

I adore Maine. I love my home life and am so grateful to have grown up in a supportive community. I will always be a Mainer. But after thriving in Boston for four years, I know that’s where my success lies. I consider Boston the second love of my life. I have truly fallen in love with that city, time and time again. The people. The sounds. The greenery combined with high-rise buildings. The history. My heart flutters just thinking about it. And that’s a feeling I never want to second guess – butterflies.

I’ve never felt “lost” before in terms of what I want out of life. I’ve been confused about who I am, struggled with decisions between my head and heart, but my career goals have never wavered. And they aren’t about to start.

“If it’s not a resounding yes, it’s a no.”

In case you haven’t assumed the obvious yet, I am indeed moving to Boston asap and beginning this next chapter of my life. As soon as I made this decision, my entire energy changed. My heart was once again filled with excitement about my life, causing a beautiful ripple effect. Women in the same networking groups as me (hello Bad Ass Babes) are reaching out with job opportunities. An online career consultant is helping me organize the craziness of my job hunt out of the kindness of her heart. Apartments with the exact rental dates I want are surfacing. The support from my friends is beyond encouraging. New freelance writing opportunities are allowing me to stress less about money. And everyone in my family had the same reaction, “I was going to say you should just move to Boston. About time!” Well damn, you could’ve told me sooner.

Magic. Simply magical.

Clarity was always within reach but I let fear temporarily block it from me. If your heart isn’t in it, whatever “it” may be, you won’t find success. You won’t be staying true to yourself. And that’s not a life path I ever want to choose.

You know what you want. You know what you deserve. And your heart knows this better than anyone, even you. So listen to it. Trust your gut. And most importantly, push fear aside because it has no place in your dreams.

Clarity always lies within. More specifically, within your heart.

Cheers to going after what’s real & brushing fear aside. After all, if it’s not a little bit scary it’s probably not worth it anyway, right?

XOXO

– Autumn

 

Special cheers to my mom for hearing my heart’s desires louder than I could. Your words sparked my magic. I love you!