Clarity is Closer than You Think

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This is what pure happiness looks like. Also, what clarity feels like. Florence, 2017

I’m at a time in my life where I can do absolutely anything I want. College is over, my European adventures have come to a close, and the possibilities are endless. This thought is extremely encouraging but at the same time feels slightly overwhelming. There’s pressure to succeed. There’s the classic, stereotypical idea of what I “should be doing”, and then there are my student loans which are eager to remind me finding a job is a must.

Of course, I want to work. I’m excited to make my mark on a new company and share the talents I’ve acquired over the years. I’m not one to waste my hard earned college degree. But where do I work? What specific job do I want to start my entire career with? The career I’ve been preparing for with internships, writing opportunities, and many many hours of homework. Thinking of it this way, yes, slight overload.

After a month of laying out my options and taking full advantage of the fact that I still live at my parents’ (thank you for the free food and love!) I hit a small breaking point. Too many options is never a bad problem to have but for some reason, I felt stuck. Stuck in my thoughts. Stuck because of money. Stuck, truly, because of fear.

Woah. Hold up. Fear? Really? I’ve never allowed that word to dictate my decisions. I throw my trust up to the Universe, work my ass off, and count my blessings. And my life always, always unfolds exactly how it’s supposed to. Forever grateful for that. But I couldn’t get out of my own head. Anddd that’s when my mom’s love stopped my doubts almost instantaneously.

“You’re not going to stay here till May,” she said as though she’s known this all along. “Your heart isn’t here, it’s in Boston.” And just like that, a wave of relief washed over me. My own mother, who would keep me at home for the rest of my life if she could, was reminding me of my truth. The truth I hid from myself because I didn’t think moving right now was the “smart” thing to do. I figured I should get a job in Maine for a few months, start to save a little more and pay off loans, all while living at my parent’s house. This is the reality of so many people I know, I got caught up in the idea that it should probably be mine, too.

I adore Maine. I love my home life and am so grateful to have grown up in a supportive community. I will always be a Mainer. But after thriving in Boston for four years, I know that’s where my success lies. I consider Boston the second love of my life. I have truly fallen in love with that city, time and time again. The people. The sounds. The greenery combined with high-rise buildings. The history. My heart flutters just thinking about it. And that’s a feeling I never want to second guess – butterflies.

I’ve never felt “lost” before in terms of what I want out of life. I’ve been confused about who I am, struggled with decisions between my head and heart, but my career goals have never wavered. And they aren’t about to start.

“If it’s not a resounding yes, it’s a no.”

In case you haven’t assumed the obvious yet, I am indeed moving to Boston asap and beginning this next chapter of my life. As soon as I made this decision, my entire energy changed. My heart was once again filled with excitement about my life, causing a beautiful ripple effect. Women in the same networking groups as me (hello Bad Ass Babes) are reaching out with job opportunities. An online career consultant is helping me organize the craziness of my job hunt out of the kindness of her heart. Apartments with the exact rental dates I want are surfacing. The support from my friends is beyond encouraging. New freelance writing opportunities are allowing me to stress less about money. And everyone in my family had the same reaction, “I was going to say you should just move to Boston. About time!” Well damn, you could’ve told me sooner.

Magic. Simply magical.

Clarity was always within reach but I let fear temporarily block it from me. If your heart isn’t in it, whatever “it” may be, you won’t find success. You won’t be staying true to yourself. And that’s not a life path I ever want to choose.

You know what you want. You know what you deserve. And your heart knows this better than anyone, even you. So listen to it. Trust your gut. And most importantly, push fear aside because it has no place in your dreams.

Clarity always lies within. More specifically, within your heart.

Cheers to going after what’s real & brushing fear aside. After all, if it’s not a little bit scary it’s probably not worth it anyway, right?

XOXO

– Autumn

 

Special cheers to my mom for hearing my heart’s desires louder than I could. Your words sparked my magic. I love you!

 

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Honesty, Writing, & Bright Futures.

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Fanueil Hall, Boston 2016

As a national contributing writer for Her Campus, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to write about various topics, trends in pop culture, and serious issues. This range of article assignments opened my eyes to different styles of writing but also helped me to recognize a common theme – the importance of honesty.

Honest writing is truly the best writing. It has taken me years to fully embrace this concept, as it’s scary to dig deep sometimes, but wow, was it worth it. Genuine writing derives from the ability to be honest with yourself. Whether it’s grappling with who you are or what you want out of life, the most important thing is to give yourself the opportunity to change.

My most recent article for Her Campus, titled “I Took Risks in My Love Life for One Week & Here’s What Happened”, was the most challenging yet rewarding piece I have written yet. I pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone, officially told the world I’m bisexual, and learned a lot about my self-worth in just one short week. An added bonus was the feedback I received from loved ones and strangers alike. It was heart-warming to have so many people reach out to me to share their stories or appreciation about my article.

I have now begun living my life as my authentic self. It’s a beautiful reality to wake up every single day and recognize how far I’ve come. This feeling came from being honest with myself, no matter how difficult and frustrating it was at times. Point is, I’m here and I’m so proud to say my future is even brighter than it was before.

Whether it’s in your writing or everyday life, be sure to stay true to who you are and be honest about what you deserve. It doesn’t have to be scary.

Cheers loves – to honesty & genuine people!

XOXO – Autumn

Below is a short clip from my national article, check it out!

“I bought an attractive stranger a drink.”

“I’ve seen this done in movies. The confident woman buys an attractive guy a drink, turning the tables on the standards of dating. I had to see for myself how this scenario would play out in real life. Naturally, I chose Thirsty Thursday to make my move. Sitting at a table with a few of my girlfriends, I scanned the bar for a potential prospect. This part of my night was funny, somewhat stressful, but overall entertaining knowing the power was in my hands.

As I was scanning the nearby tables, a tall blonde guy walked out of the bathroom and past my table. We locked eyes and he smiled ever so subtly. Without hesitation, I whispered to my friends, “I choose him.” I watched where he went to sit – a table with another guy and three girls. Crossing my fingers none of those ladies were his girlfriend, I asked my server to find out what he was drinking and buy him his next round. Apparently, his drink of choice was a watermelon margarita, go figure.

Margarita in hand, I watched my server walk over to his table and place it down. His friends began to laugh and his face lit up when she said, “the girl in a pink sweater bought this for you.” His reaction was everything I could have hoped for. I mean who wouldn’t be grinning over a free marg? Funnily enough, a server came over to me a few minutes later and handed me a black business card. It belonged to watermelon margarita guy. I was caught off guard but loving every second of this little charade. Soon enough he came over to the table to thank me for buying him a drink and introduce himself. The conversation was casual, I could tell he was nervous too. In his very distinct Boston accent, he ended the conversation by telling me I should text him. Mission accomplished.

I miss hearing stories about people meeting in person and going on incredible dates. And here I was, trying to make it happen for myself. No, I never ended up texting him, but his little black business card will be a reminder that even the smallest rewards can come from simply putting yourself out there.”

  • Article was written for Her Campus By: Autumn Dube