love – Autumn K. Dube

Why You Need to Share What’s in Your Heart With the Person You Love

July 10, 2018July 17, 2018Autumn K. DubeLeave a comment

“You have an inviting energy about you, people can sense that you’re open,” said Desiree last month as we were discussing the current state of my love life. This stuck with me, and I couldn’t help but wonder (shoutout Carrie Bradshaw), am I really that open?

Biddeford Pool, Maine. Pink skies and clarity.

It’s no secret I’m a hopeless romantic. Those romcom movies that show two soulmates reuniting years later or strangers meeting at a café and totally hitting it off – that’s the shit I LOVE. And better yet, I genuinely believe in relationships like that. The ones that stick with you, the one love you can’t seem to shake or sparks so undeniable you both instantly know you’ve stumbled upon something special.

How do you find a love like that? You have to put yourself out there. At least that’s what I tell myself to quiet the nervous butterflies as I’m getting ready for a date or about to strike up a conversation with a random person at a bar.

And what better place to take chances than a city bustling with individuals from all walks of life. I love dating in Boston. Meeting new people, adventuring to exciting places together and locking eyes just long enough to wonder if there could potentially be something more between you.

Are you rolling your eyes yet? I know some of my friends are, but stick with me! Yes, bad dates do exist and heartbreak is so real..so so real. BUT each person you meet will teach you something about yourself. They’ll help you realize what you want in a partner and maybe make you appreciate a past love even more.

Turning the “what-ifs” into reality

Past loves, such a bittersweet thought. Does that love every truly go away? And if yes, where does it go? Navigating unresolved feelings and the “what-ifs” can be exhausting. And it can go on for years if you let it. The classic battle of the head and heart, often resulting in fighting what you truly feel or biting your tongue because you’re scared to be vulnerable.

Well, I call bullshit.

You know what you want. You know what’s good for you and who you deserve to be with. Go after it. Share what’s in your heart and put it all out there. It may be absolutely terrifying and you might wake up the next morning – if you slept at all – with a lump in your throat, but at least you know you’ve done all you can.

One way or another, you can move on with your life and stop holding yourself back in relationships. Expressing the love in your heart makes room for new love to enter. Whether it’s a rekindled flame or love interest, you’ll feel at peace knowing you finally gave yourself a fair shot at having something real again.

You put your heart on the line, now what?

Trust in what comes next. Telling someone how you feel about them and not hearing what you want in return will break your heart. Just a friendly heads up! You might shatter all over again but at least you’re moving forward. That’s what matters.

“Just as she thought her heart was breaking, she realized it was breaking open.”

You deserve to love someone who will happily give that love right back to you. Someone who will choose you every time. Maybe it’s that past love or perhaps it’s someone wonderful you haven’t met yet. But you’ll never know unless you share what’s in your heart first.

Cheers to remaining open. And cheers to authentic love, babes! Go get yours.

XO – Autumn

Love & Fading Friendships

September 17, 2017September 17, 2017Autumn K. DubeLeave a comment

In the midst of the inevitable changes that take place after graduation, I’ve found myself spinning in circles trying to navigate them all. Especially when it comes to love. There has always been an abundance of love in my life. Whether I’m giving love out or happily receiving it, loneliness is unfamiliar to me. I know how lucky I am to be able to say that.

Friendships are where I have invested so much of my love. It’s natural for me to love those who accept me and make me feel alive. To praise my friends who protect my heart but also challenge me to be better. And of course, to love those who make me belly laugh, even at the jokes they tell at my expense because I feel that secure when I’m with them.

It’s always been easy for me to write about friendship. To brag about the wonderful, concrete relationships in my life that have been there since high school. But it’s not easy to admit that with time comes changes. Changes I keep trying to push aside or ignore, hoping things will go back to normal. Back to the old, inseparable crew who didn’t need anyone else to feel whole. Back to us. The ‘us’ who would spend days on the lake and nights partying up at camp. The us who played charades based purely on events from our lives, unfiltered of course. The us who adventured to casinos and concerts on a whim, made any hotel room feel like home, drove around aimlessly while singing our favorite songs, and stayed up as late as possible (hiding the fact that we had work the next day) even if it meant only getting one more hour together. We couldn’t get enough – friends turned family.

“Each time of life has its own kind of love.” – Leo Tolstoy

Those memories are what have made it challenging to accept the inevitable. The new people who come into our lives and capture our hearts in a different way. To admit that not every friend prioritizes our crew anymore, but rather chooses their partner or work obligations without hesitation. “This is what happens when you grow up,” seems to be the go-to phrase for anyone trying to help me make sense of this summer. Yes, I understand that, but it doesn’t make it sting any less.

Letting go isn’t easy. Admitting you’ve outgrown friendships is even harder. And drifting apart from people who have been by your side for over ten years is just plain BLAH. Yes, blah.

If I’ve learned anything over the years, through relationships and loved ones, it’s that love never fully fades. We may be investing our love more intensely into other areas of our lives but it can never alter what used to be. Nobody, not even time, can erase every laugh we’ve shared. Every hug we’ve given or heart to heart we’ve helped one another through. Every night we’ve spent reminiscing over a game of cards. Every boat ride we’ve taken snuggled up together under the stars. The trashy bars we grew to love. The inside jokes that nobody else will truly appreciate. The love. It always comes back to the love we shared.

Our lives may be going in separate directions but I suppose it makes the time we do spend together now that much more special. We each have our own unique ideas of what our days should look like – where our futures will take us – and I smile knowing how different they will all be. I’ve often said my friends are all so different but it’s our likeness of hearts that keep us together. That still rings true to this day. We may not be attached at the hips anymore, but maybe that’s a good thing. Our memories won’t fade. Our friendships will bloom in new ways and our love for one another will never disappear. And for that I am grateful.

Each time of life has its own kind of love. Beautiful thought, isn’t it? Whether you’re falling in love for the first time, putting love into your friendships, discovering your own self-worth, or learning to love your life in general just be sure you do it fully. Love wholeheartedly. That’s the only way to do it, I promise.

Cheers to making more memories with the people I love & watching us all shine in our own ways. Change is good – despite what it may feel like during those transitional moments. Part of loving others is wanting them to be happy no matter what, even if that means taking a back seat on their journey.

Tru fam, I love you. Always.

XOXO

– Autumn

Honesty, Writing, & Bright Futures.

December 4, 2016Autumn K. Dube1 Comment

fullsizerender — Fanueil Hall, Boston 2016

As a national contributing writer for Her Campus, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to write about various topics, trends in pop culture, and serious issues. This range of article assignments opened my eyes to different styles of writing but also helped me to recognize a common theme – the importance of honesty.

Honest writing is truly the best writing. It has taken me years to fully embrace this concept, as it’s scary to dig deep sometimes, but wow, was it worth it. Genuine writing derives from the ability to be honest with yourself. Whether it’s grappling with who you are or what you want out of life, the most important thing is to give yourself the opportunity to change.

My most recent article for Her Campus, titled “I Took Risks in My Love Life for One Week & Here’s What Happened”, was the most challenging yet rewarding piece I have written yet. I pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone, officially told the world I’m bisexual, and learned a lot about my self-worth in just one short week. An added bonus was the feedback I received from loved ones and strangers alike. It was heart-warming to have so many people reach out to me to share their stories or appreciation about my article.

I have now begun living my life as my authentic self. It’s a beautiful reality to wake up every single day and recognize how far I’ve come. This feeling came from being honest with myself, no matter how difficult and frustrating it was at times. Point is, I’m here and I’m so proud to say my future is even brighter than it was before.

Whether it’s in your writing or everyday life, be sure to stay true to who you are and be honest about what you deserve. It doesn’t have to be scary.

Cheers loves – to honesty & genuine people!

XOXO – Autumn

Below is a short clip from my national article, check it out!

“I bought an attractive stranger a drink.”

“I’ve seen this done in movies. The confident woman buys an attractive guy a drink, turning the tables on the standards of dating. I had to see for myself how this scenario would play out in real life. Naturally, I chose Thirsty Thursday to make my move. Sitting at a table with a few of my girlfriends, I scanned the bar for a potential prospect. This part of my night was funny, somewhat stressful, but overall entertaining knowing the power was in my hands.

As I was scanning the nearby tables, a tall blonde guy walked out of the bathroom and past my table. We locked eyes and he smiled ever so subtly. Without hesitation, I whispered to my friends, “I choose him.” I watched where he went to sit – a table with another guy and three girls. Crossing my fingers none of those ladies were his girlfriend, I asked my server to find out what he was drinking and buy him his next round. Apparently, his drink of choice was a watermelon margarita, go figure.

Margarita in hand, I watched my server walk over to his table and place it down. His friends began to laugh and his face lit up when she said, “the girl in a pink sweater bought this for you.” His reaction was everything I could have hoped for. I mean who wouldn’t be grinning over a free marg? Funnily enough, a server came over to me a few minutes later and handed me a black business card. It belonged to watermelon margarita guy. I was caught off guard but loving every second of this little charade. Soon enough he came over to the table to thank me for buying him a drink and introduce himself. The conversation was casual, I could tell he was nervous too. In his very distinct Boston accent, he ended the conversation by telling me I should text him. Mission accomplished.

I miss hearing stories about people meeting in person and going on incredible dates. And here I was, trying to make it happen for myself. No, I never ended up texting him, but his little black business card will be a reminder that even the smallest rewards can come from simply putting yourself out there.”

Article was written for Her Campus By: Autumn Dube

Fading into Fall

September 15, 2015October 24, 2016Autumn K. DubeLeave a comment

I saw one of the last country concerts of the summer this past weekend and I think it’s safe to say fall is right around the corner. This season of apple cider and pumpkin everything tends to bring up all kinds of feelings for people, especially when it comes to the heart. The cooler weather and trendy activities (hellooo apple picking) can definitely make the idea of being in a couple more appealing. Single vibes will be fading as quickly as the summer weather.

In the midst of all the changes it is important to hold onto the confidence that makes you who you are. It may be easy to question yourself when you feel like your crush isn’t exactly into you, but you must not spend too much time wondering “why”. This question will only drive you crazy and cause you to lose sight of yourself and that’s just no good. Figuring out who you want to be with, or if you even want to be with anyone, is supposed to be fun. Going on dates and getting to know new people is part of finding what makes you happy. Traditional dates are less common these days due to our technologically driven generation, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to wait for one.

The whole dating cycle can be both frustrating and confusing at times. This is exactly why you need to find happiness within yourself before you let someone else in. What do you desire? What dreams are you currently striving towards? Is he/she really worth it?

You should be too busy creating your own vibrant life to care what your crush thinks of it. If someone is supposed to fit into your life, you will know soon enough based on their effort and interest in you. You may not need a cuddle buddy for these upcoming seasons, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice to enjoy another person’s company. It is never a bad thing to follow your heart if you continue to love and respect yourself while doing so.

Find yourself, embrace all of your qualities, be happy, and let things unfold. Also, definitely go apple picking.

XO – Autumn

“You know who the person is who is going to give you everything? Yourself.” – DVF