Love & Fading Friendships

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Saco Camping Trip ’16

 

In the midst of the inevitable changes that take place after graduation, I’ve found myself spinning in circles trying to navigate them all. Especially when it comes to love. There has always been an abundance of love in my life. Whether I’m giving love out or happily receiving it, loneliness is unfamiliar to me. I know how lucky I am to be able to say that.

Friendships are where I have invested so much of my love. It’s natural for me to love those who accept me and make me feel alive. To praise my friends who protect my heart but also challenge me to be better. And of course, to love those who make me belly laugh, even at the jokes they tell at my expense because I feel that secure when I’m with them.

It’s always been easy for me to write about friendship. To brag about the wonderful, concrete relationships in my life that have been there since high school. But it’s not easy to admit that with time comes changes. Changes I keep trying to push aside or ignore, hoping things will go back to normal. Back to the old, inseparable crew who didn’t need anyone else to feel whole. Back to us. The ‘us’ who would spend days on the lake and nights partying up at camp. The us who played charades based purely on events from our lives, unfiltered of course. The us who adventured to casinos and concerts on a whim, made any hotel room feel like home, drove around aimlessly while singing our favorite songs, and stayed up as late as possible (hiding the fact that we had work the next day) even if it meant only getting one more hour together. We couldn’t get enough – friends turned family.

“Each time of life has its own kind of love.” – Leo Tolstoy

Those memories are what have made it challenging to accept the inevitable. The new people who come into our lives and capture our hearts in a different way. To admit that not every friend prioritizes our crew anymore, but rather chooses their partner or work obligations without hesitation. “This is what happens when you grow up,” seems to be the go-to phrase for anyone trying to help me make sense of this summer. Yes, I understand that, but it doesn’t make it sting any less.

Letting go isn’t easy. Admitting you’ve outgrown friendships is even harder. And drifting apart from people who have been by your side for over ten years is just plain BLAH. Yes, blah.

If I’ve learned anything over the years, through relationships and loved ones, it’s that love never fully fades. We may be investing our love more intensely into other areas of our lives but it can never alter what used to be. Nobody, not even time, can erase every laugh we’ve shared. Every hug we’ve given or heart to heart we’ve helped one another through. Every night we’ve spent reminiscing over a game of cards. Every boat ride we’ve taken snuggled up together under the stars. The trashy bars we grew to love. The inside jokes that nobody else will truly appreciate. The love. It always comes back to the love we shared.

Our lives may be going in separate directions but I suppose it makes the time we do spend together now that much more special. We each have our own unique ideas of what our days should look like – where our futures will take us – and I smile knowing how different they will all be. I’ve often said my friends are all so different but it’s our likeness of hearts that keep us together. That still rings true to this day. We may not be attached at the hips anymore, but maybe that’s a good thing. Our memories won’t fade. Our friendships will bloom in new ways and our love for one another will never disappear. And for that I am grateful.

Each time of life has its own kind of love. Beautiful thought, isn’t it? Whether you’re falling in love for the first time, putting love into your friendships, discovering your own self-worth, or learning to love your life in general just be sure you do it fully. Love wholeheartedly. That’s the only way to do it, I promise.

Cheers to making more memories with the people I love & watching us all shine in our own ways. Change is good – despite what it may feel like during those transitional moments. Part of loving others is wanting them to be happy no matter what, even if that means taking a back seat on their journey.

Tru fam, I love you. Always.

XOXO

– Autumn

 

 

 

 

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Let’s Call it Brunch

Marble Head 10/12/15
Marble Head with my favorite brother

“Mimosas!!” My mom excitedly texted me as we discussed the plans for my upcoming birthday brunch. I wanted to host some type of party, like we do every year for my birthday, but I finally felt that turning twenty-one was the cut off for decking the house out in balloons and streamers (even though I will always secretly love that). What could we host so that I could still be graced by my crazy family’s presence but not qualify as a birthday party? A brunch of course.

It was perfect timing really. I had a long weekend to come home from Boston and have an early birthday celebration with my family and friends. My parents were true angels prepping for the brunch and getting everything I had hoped for, especially the croissants – my favorite. I woke up early in the morning on Saturday, well 9:00am, but I surprisingly didn’t struggle to leave the warmth of my bed knowing I’d soon be surrounded by yummy food and all of my family.

That’s my favorite part about hosting parties at my house, hearing the voices get louder and feeling the rooms get cozier as everyone arrives. I love the way my cousins’ faces light up as they walk in the door and are greeted and hugged by all. Or the way my aunts and memeres instantly ask if they can help with anything while my uncle’s greet one another with a friendly handshake, beer in hand. All the grandparents tend to congregate in the living room making it easy to tell them about my college adventures only once. They always lean in closer to hear each other better but it makes me chuckle cause they’re still unknowingly yelling as they swap stories.

Family parties can definitely be stressful, especially if you have a daughter like me who likes everything a certain way. I always have expectations of how I want things to go and I am lucky that my parents have learned to tolerate me over the years. That’s not to say we didn’t have a couple of tiffs setting up for the brunch that morning. “I’ve done way more than you!” seems to be our go-to line as we debate who should do the last few things on the to-do list. I have to admit that my brother helps out the most, when asked, and bitches the least. It takes all four of us to get the house party ready but somehow we always manage to smile and laugh together before everyone arrives. I know I have my brother’s music selection to thank for drawing the smiles out and lightening the mood.

The planning and tension beforehand is totally worth the joy of seeing everyone enjoying themselves. I love the closeness of my family and I cherish the times when we can all take breaks from our busy lives to get together. I love the genuine hugs, the guessing game of who gets to eat the last deviled-egg, and all of the stories that are told, both new and old. So thank you mom, dad, and Garrett for making my last “birthday-party” a memorable one, you’re truly the best.

Cheers to the official countdown until my 21st birthday…Oct 16th I’m ready for ya!

XOXO – Autumn